HOW TO HANDLE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
“Embrace your negative emotions as if they were little children in search for care! Be gentle to yourself!!” - Author Unknown
Have you ever felt like you shouldn’t feel a certain way?
Have you ever been told that the way you feel is ridiculous?
Were you ever forced to stop crying as a child?
Have you ever put on a fake smile, trying your best to make it seem like a real smile…..so others wouldn’t think you were sad, hurt or upset?
In today’s blog post I am going to share what I have learned about the value of embracing our emotions to the fullest and not trying to push them away.
I know most of us at one point or another felt like we shouldn’t feel a certain way.
Whether someone said or did something that bothered us or whether we just started feeling a certain way out of nowhere.
Somewhere along the way…..we were taught to just tough it out!
“Get over it!”
“You’re being dramatic!”
“What’s the big deal!?”
Ever been told any of these phrases before?
Sometimes people just can’t understand why we are feeling a certain way about something.
Maybe to them, they can’t understand why you are so hurt or so upset.
Maybe to them, they just want you to forget about it and move on.
Maybe to them, they just can not understand why it is affecting you so much.
Maybe to them, they just want you to hurry up and move on already!
But the fact of the matter is that when we take the time to allow ourselves to really FEEL our emotions, it allows us the freedom to move on in a healthy way.
To pretend that we don’t feel a certain way, is very dangerous.
"Most people spend their lives doing one of two things to their emotions: numbing or venting. Self loving people do something very different - they accept each emotion as a piece of communication and they try to decode it. This way emotions can become important guide posts on the journey of self discovery, rather than annoying roadblocks." - Vironika Tugaleva
If we don’t allow ourselves the freedom to give the microphone to our emotions and say “Go ahead. Say everything that is on your mind. I want to hear it all.” then we are short changing ourselves into thinking that we will be just fine, when really we aren’t just fine.
Have you ever known of someone who seemed just fine and then all of a sudden they just blew up and you wondered where in the world that came from?
I believe that if a person pushes down or pushes away their true emotions long enough….that eventually one day, maybe even over a tiny issue…..they will just go off!
To the onlooker, it can seem rather confusing….like, “What the heck just happened!?”
But to the person who just blew up…..
They know why they just blew up.
They know what ticked them off.
They know what triggered them.
They just couldn’t sweep it under the rug anymore.
You can only sweep so much under the rug until eventually, you have a huge pile underneath that rug and someone is going to trip over it.
"Emotions are like children...if you don't give them your attention they are going to act up." -
So how exactly can you handle your negative emotions?
What is a healthy and productive way to deal with it when you are just feeling really upset or hurt?
One of my coaches taught me to do the following steps:
On a scale of 1 to 10, access what number you are at? (with 1 being “I’m a tiny bit annoyed” and 10 being “I’m so hurt or upset that I could just scream and cry!”
After you have chosen the number that you feel on a scale of 1 to 10, then close your eyes, take 3 nice deep breaths (in through your nose and out through your mouth) and then notice where in your body you are holding tension about whatever it is that is bothering you.
Once you have focused on exactly where in your body you are holding your tension, then imagine giving a microphone to that area of your body and say “Go ahead, I want to hear everything you have to say. Every thought, every feeling, every emotion. I am all ears. You have my undivided attention. I will not interrupt. Please do share it ALL.”
Then be silent and just listen.
Listen to everything your body is trying to tell you.
All the pain
The not understanding WHY?
Give your body plenty of time to really feel all of the feelings and listen intently with your undivided attention.
"To balance and take control of our emotions is one of the most important tasks in life."
- Dr. T.P. Chia
Then, once that area in your body puts down the microphone, because they have said everything they have to say.
Once they have gotten it ALL out….
THEN and only then should you say “Ok, thank you for sharing. I really appreciate it. I hear you. I understand where you are coming from. Thank you soo much for trying to protect me. I know that you are just doing your job. Your job is to protect me and keep me safe. I am safe. It’s going to be ok.”
Then take one more nice deep breath and let it all out.
Then if you are able to, go for a nice walk or move around in some way.
Get your body moving.
Moving our bodies is an excellent way to deal with emotions in a healthy way.
When we exercise it releases a chemical called endorphins.
Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in our bodies that is similar to morphine.
It helps us feel good in a totally natural and healthy way.
So in conclusion…..5 of the best things you can do deal with negative emotions in a healthy way is to:
Access where you are at on a scale of 1 to 10.
Find out where in your body you are holding your stress or tension.
Give the microphone to that area of your body and listen to absolutely everything it has to say!
When that area has shared everything it has to say, then take 3 nice deep breaths
Then get up and move doing something you enjoy.
I hope you have found this blog post helpful. Please feel free to put in the comments below if you have found any other ways really helpful to deal with negative emotions.
~ If you are a parent of a child with special needs, I would Love to have you in my private Facebook group. It is a safe environment, strictly for parents with special needs kids, where you can get the encouragement and support from other parents who can relate to what you are going through. The name of my private FB group is “Special Needs Parenting SOS.” ~ 😇💕