"If you can't do anything about it, then let it go. Don't be a prisoner to things you can't change." - Tony Gaskins
In todays blog post, I want to take a deeper look at recognizing the things we can control and letting go of the things we can not control.
In 2008 my ex husband and I went through a very difficult and ugly divorce. And when I say ugly.....I mean it was NASTY! We spent the next 6 years fighting each other in court. It was brutal! He knew that the only thing I cared about was our kids, Gabriella (at the time she was 9 years old) and Elijah (was 7 years old).
Our kids meant the Whole World to me!!!
In 2008 when we divorced, we had agreed on joint custody, but just one year later, my ex ended up taking me back to court because he wanted full custody.
His main intention was to cause me as much pain as he could. This, he had told me when we were still married.
He hired the best lawyer he could.
I didn't think I could lose custody because I was a good mom and I thought you had to be proven to be a bad mom in order to lose custody.
Apparently this is not true.
I found out the hard way that who ever has the better lawyer often wins.
In 2010, I lost custody of Gabriella and Elijah and it just about killed me.
Literally.
Gabriella and Elijah were my Entire life.
I didn't see any reason to live without them.
I considered ending my life.
What stoped me was realizing that one day Gabriella and Elijah would grow up and we would be able to see each other and talk to each other whenever we wanted.
I knew that in the worst case scenario I would just have to wait until they turned 18.
I knew that once they were both 18, that my ex husband could no longer stop them from being able to see me or talk to me on the phone.
There were so many times that I called wanting to just hear their voice, but he would say they were doing their homework or they were busy.
I even got an attorney and went back to court to point out that he was not following the court order.
He was going out of his way to keep Gabriella and Elijah from having any contact with me.
The judge ordered a specific time that my ex would need to allow Gabriella and Elijah to be available to talk with me over the phone.
I believe it was 3 days a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays from 4-5pm.
Those were the specific days and time that my ex had to put Gabriella and Elijah on the phone to talk with me and not give me any excuses as to why they couldn't talk with me.
But even after the judge ordered that, frequently my ex still didn't allow me to talk with our kids.
The struggle was REAL!!
I asked God why He would allow such a horrible thing to happen, especially since God knew the truth.
God knew how much I loved my kids.
God knew that I was a great mom.
God also knew that what my ex was doing was SOO wrong on every level.
I just didn't understand why God allowed my ex to get full custody in the first place.
I was angry.
I was sad.
I was confused.
I was beyond frustrated.
I felt soo many emotions that I didn't know how to handle.
I ended up feeling intense hatred and bitterness towards my ex.
I held on to that anger, resentment, hatred and bitterness for years!!
Until finally I came to the point that I realized that holding on to all that hatred and bitterness wasn't doing anything to my ex.
It was only hurting me.
It also hurt my kids.
I hadn't even realized the effect it would have on my kids if they saw all that bitterness and anger that I held on to from how their dad had hurt me.
It didn't happen overnight, but eventually I was able to forgive my ex for the intense pain that he caused me.
I chose to let it go.
I didn't just chose to not think about it anymore.
I actually chose to forgive him for all the pain he caused, even though he hadn't asked for forgiveness.
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness." - Kurt Vonnegut
I came to understand that holding onto all that anger and bitterness was detrimental to my health and to my ability to live a good and happy life.
I also wanted to set a good example for my kids of the importance of not harboring those nasty emotions.
For several years now, I not only don't harbor any anger or bitterness towards my ex, I actually wish only good things for him.
Talk about a complete 180 turn around!!
It's true. I really do wish him well and all things good. đ
"You either get better or you get bitter. It's simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you." - Josh Shipp
Over the past two years, I have really delved deep into personal development and read over 30 books. The books I have read and the coaches I have observed have taught me so much! I will be forever grateful! đđ
In one of those books, I can't remember which one, the author was talking about the importance of letting go of what you can not control.
It really got me thinking.
It's so true!!
I mean, if you really stop and think about it, what can you really do about a situation or problem that is totally out of your control?
Will worrying about it help?
Nope.
What about complaining about it? Will that help?
Nope.
Ok, what about sticking your head in the sand and just pretending that the problem doesn't even exist? Then will it go away?
Nope. (Although that would be nice!) đ
Sometimes I think we just have to come to terms with the fact that certain things are totally and completely 100% out of our control.
Sometimes there is nothing we can do to fix it or solve it.
"One of the happiest moments is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change." - Anonymous
There is a common belief that men in particular like to "fix" problems. But I don't think it is just a male issue. I think that women like to fix problems as well. We are just often times more sympathetic, loving and nurturing as we fix the problem.
But sometimes things or problems are totally out of our control and in those moments I believe we need to stop and ask ourselves......"Is there anything that I could do to help resolve this problem?"
If the answer is 'no', then I believe we need to acknowledge it, take a deep breathe and mentally let it go, realizing that it is out of our control.
When we choose to worry or stress about something that we can't control, not only does it not do any good, but worse.....it does a lot of damage.
It is like a bulldozer to our immune system.
Here is a little affirmation for letting go:
"Today I embrace the memory of my past, and feel grateful for all that life has given me. I acknowledge that I did the best I could at the time, and now I am ready to let it go. I clear my future road ahead for miracles and happy surprises!" -
In summary, I would love to encourage you to consider if you are holding onto any anger, bitterness, resentment, fear or frustration toward anyone or anything.
If you find that you are, consider asking yourself if there is anything you can do to help or solve the issue?
If not, if the problem or situation is totally out of your control, then I would invite you to take a deep breath and let it go.
Embrace the true freedom that comes from truly letting go of that which you can not control.
As always, I would love to hear from you đ
Please let me know in the comments below, is there anything that you have been holding onto that you need to let go of?
~ If you are a parent of a special needs child, I would Love to have you in my private FB group. It is a safe environment, strictly for parents with special needs kids, where you can get the encouragement and support from other parents who can relate to what you are going through. The name of my private FB group is âSpecial Needs Parenting SOS.â ~ đđ
#letgo #lettinggo #bitter #bitterness #anger #hatred #hate #frustration #frustrated #harbor #illwill #resentment #control #courage #change #prisoner #pain #freedom #choice #choose #forgive #forgiveness